French word of the day: Tutoyer
Published on: April 2, 2026
So I’m not quite sure what is going on with the weather here in the Paris region at the moment because, since my last newsletter, it is back to cold and cloudy. Apparently Easter long weekend “will probably” be okay, but I’m not holding my breath.
I’m ready for the long weekend though, our town is having an Easter egg hunt which is always fun. (I have already stocked up on chocolate in case the hunt is not as bountiful as hoped for.)
And of course the kids are excited. There will be lots of families from the neighborhood, so the only other thing I have to prep is my list of “small talk” topics with all the other parents standing around half-bored, eying the chocolate.
But meeting other parents, some of whom I don’t know very well, there is always the one big question everyone runs into: Am I supposed to tutoye or vousvoy everyone? I.E. referring to them informally or formally?
To be clear, we don’t have this problem in English, everyone is just “you”. Not so in French (and many other languages, to be fair).
Generally the rules are pretty clear:
- Formal vous in shop, post office, etc.
- Informal tu amongst friends, family and usually the workplace.
Yes, the workplace is informal. We don’t usually stand on occasion in the workplace, when I worked in corporate, we tutoyed everyone from the President on down, with one exception: a sweet older lady who had been with the firm since she was 19.
Everyone including the President used vous for her, which I was never too sure about, because on one hand it seemed to single her out, and on the other it was a mark of respect. (I struggle with switching tenses mid-sentence, so I just tutoyed everybody, including her. And as I said, she was very gentle and never mentioned it either way.)
So after living here around 15 years, I do have this tu-ing and vous-ing down reasonably accurately. Except for the big grey area of “acquaintences”. We’re relatively new in the neighborhood, so there’s a number of parents I don’t know all that well.
But have I mentioned that there is an insidious trick to this system? French people, if they are not sure whether to tu or vous, will simply devise sentences in a way to avoid picking. And they can have full-on conversations without ever giving the other person a clue.
Eg. If someone wanted to say “don’t worry, I can do it”, they could say:
- “ne vous inquietez pas, je peux le faire“ formally or
- “t’inquietes pas, je peux le faire“ informally.
But the French way would be to avoid the issue and go with “pas de souci, je peux le faire”. Basically kicking the ball down the road, until the other person finally gives in and decides whether or not we are on a formal or informal basis.
You can see the complications here if French is not your first language and you are trying to interpret and respond rapidly. I for one, I do not completely master this language trickery.
I have friends who simply tutoye everyone to keep things simple (including the shopkeeper), but that just feels weird and even my kids would be horrified. Anyway, I shall be practising this weekend, so wish me luck. Happy easter everyone, and enjoy the long weekend if you have one!
In other news:
- The Wall Street Journal explores why people on social media are so impressed by celebrities on the French “good lighting show”. For the record, the name of the show is Quotidien (meaning “Daily”) and it is on TF1 in France.
- One of Napoleon Bonaparte’s hats is going to go on display at the Chateau de Chantilly. It is one of his last hats that he took into exile with him to St. Helena, and the article calls it “a miracle” that it is so well preserved. (I’m pretty sure I have seen several of his hats from over his lifetime, including at the Musée des Armées in Paris, but the article says it is a wonderous thing, so let’s just go with it shall we?)
- If you’ve read Alexandre Dumas’ book 3 Muskateers, the burial site of the real life inspiration for D’Artagnan is believed to have been found under a church in the Dutch city of Maastricht.
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